Space exploration has long been hampered by the risk to astronauts’ lives. NASA will remedy this by offering missions, where the chance of survival is highly unlikely, to prisoners scheduled for execution.
This initiative will bring forward the quest to put a man on Mars by a good 20 years. Kenneth Trey Hafronin, an incurable psychopath, [...]
Archive for the ‘Yet To Happen’ Category
Prisoners in Space
Posted in Science, Space, Technology, Yet To Happen, tagged Earth, Prisoner, NASA, Space, Mars, Psychopath, Planet, Attack on November 11, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
Chad Kroeger – President of China?
Posted in Government, Music, Political, Yet To Happen, tagged Chad, China, Chinese, Democracy, First, Kroeger, Nickelback, President, White on February 21, 2009 | 2 Comments »
Fueled by the success of Barack Obama in becoming the first black President of the United States of America, Chad Kroeger, lead singer of Nickelback, will announce his intention to become the first white President of the People’s Republic of China.
Interviewed backstage at a concert in Toronto, Kroeger will explain that he wants to see [...]
Vatican versus Victims Bowling Tournament
Posted in Religion, Sport, Yet To Happen, tagged Bowling, Pins, Pope, Priest, Tenpin, Victim on November 6, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
Pope Benedict XVI will announce a new initiative to bridge the divide between the Catholic Church and the victims of priest molestation.
“Forgive Us Our Pins” will be an annual tenpin bowling tournament held at the Vatican. The Vics (victims) will go up against the Vats (members of the Vatican), with the winning team taking home [...]
Lance Armstrong versus the Large Hadron Collider
Posted in Science, Sport, Yet To Happen, tagged Lance Armstrong, Large Hadron Collider, Particle Accelerator, Proton, Race, Speed of Light on October 19, 2008 | 2 Comments »
In order to generate publicity for his return to competitive cycling, Lance Armstrong will challenge the Large Hadron Collider to a race around the 17 mile circuit.
When asked how he intends to beat a proton traveling at 99.9999991% of the speed of light, Armstrong will reply, “In cycling, giving only 99.9999991% is the difference between [...]
National Draft for Crime Dramas
Posted in Television, Yet To Happen, tagged Crime Drama, Crime Dramas, CSI, Draft, Emmy, Law & Order on October 12, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
There will soon be so many crime dramas on television that a shortage will occur of unknown actors to play the many bit parts required for each episode.
The suspension of disbelief required to watch these dramas will be the casualty; viewers will be asked to swallow that an actor who was shot and killed on [...]
Your Very Own Prisoner
Posted in Government, Society, Yet To Happen, tagged Home, Incarenceration, Inmate, Jail, Manson, OJ Simpson, Prison, Prisoner on October 12, 2008 | 1 Comment »
In the future you could have high profile prisoners such as Charles Manson or OJ Simpson living in your home.
For a start up fee of $100,000 your spare room will be converted into a maximum security jail cell. Then, through an online auction, you will bid on which prisoner you would like to live in [...]
Juicing Humans
Posted in Health, Science, Yet To Happen, tagged Crisis, Humans, Juice, Juicing, Shortage, Water on October 2, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
The world is running out of water. Over half of the human body is made of water.
Scientists will eventually put two and two together, and will devise a way to “juice” humans of their water.
Graveyards and crematoriums will be a thing of the past, as people will opt to juice their deceased loved ones to [...]
Abraham Lincoln and John Wilkes Booth to be Cloned
Posted in Science, Yet To Happen, tagged Abraham Lincoln, Clone, Curiosity, DNA, Human Clone, John Wilkes Booth on September 19, 2008 | 1 Comment »
The first human clone created from DNA will be that of Abraham Lincoln, brought “back to life” to serve the remaining 3 years, 10 months and 17 days of his presidency.
Upon hearing this news a rogue scientist will create a clone of John Wilkes Booth, in an attempt to prove that [...]
Use your Head as a Video Camera
Posted in Technology, Yet To Happen, tagged brain implant, head, invisible, video camera on September 15, 2008 | 1 Comment »
Video cameras of the future will use your ears as the microphone and your eyes as the lens.
A microscopic device will be wired into the brain that will act as a storage unit and wireless transmitter. Once near a receiving unit, such as a computer or TV, a simple voice command will trigger the download.
Privacy [...]
Alien Beatles Fan
Posted in Space, Yet To Happen, tagged Across The Universe, alien, Beatles, Chapman, Earth, Gravity Gun, Lennon on September 13, 2008 | 2 Comments »
Moved by NASA’s beamed version of Across the Universe, an alien from a distant galaxy will visit Earth to meet the singer.
Upon learning that John Lennon was shot and killed, the alien will request a meeting with Mark David Chapman. At this meeting he will calmly produce a gravity gun, fix it on Chapman and [...]
